Day 4 and 6

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DAY 4

First thing that comes to my mind is that I was not committed to write the journal not even the first 4 days. Yesterday passed fast and I was so busy I didn’t had time to actually be hungry. Last night I had another realization, another eye opening thought came to my mind. I have discovered why I want so much recognition and support from people around me, and specially from my partner.

I am the youngest daughter of 5 and everybody always said that this exact detail made me the spoiled one too. But I started to remember moments from my childhood that have nothing to do with a spoiled child.
I was 5 years old and I remember watching TV with my family. It was a kids karaoke show about my age. I always like to sing and I was doing it at home in front of my family. In the middle of a nice blonde girl´s performance my mother said with a mocking, challenging voice:
“See, see how good she sings? You don’t sing, she sing, you don´t have the guts to sing”
Years after she told me it was her way of pumping me up, to give me a push to pursue that dream.
On my 8th birthday, my entire family forgot it was my birthday, 4 sisters and 2 parents , 6 people with whom I was sharing my life with forgot about me. I didn´t told anyone anything till next day. My mother said: “So what we forgot? Don´t you see we are very busy. Its not such a big deal.”
Few years later on a Sunday afternoon my oldest sister who is 14 years older then me, so probably she was around 23-24(I am pointing the age out to explain it was not a teenager or a child that said these words) she started a conversation about how different I am saying:
“Don´t you see that you are blonde and none of us are? Don´t you see how emotional and hysterical you are? We didn’t wanted to tell you this but you are adopted”
They all laugh
“Your don´t  belong to this family, we adopted you”
And i think she came up with a story about where I was adopted from  which I don’t remember because by the time she reached this point of the sorry I couldn’t breath of crying. I had to leave the room.
I think there are more memories like these… but I don´t seem to remember them. I have huge memory gaps. I don’t really remember one of my sisters(Z.). I don´t remember her face, I don´t remember a single conversation. She is 11 years older then be, we must have had a conversation in our lives. This worries me because something must had happen for me to delete her from my memories.
So going back to what I realized. I know now that I am in such a big need for recognition and support because I never had it from my family. I used to think my dad was a monster… well, monster can have a lot of shapes.
And about the cleanse, well I didn´t had the salted water for 3 days so haven’t made nº2 during this time. I must do it tomorrow in order to eliminate the toxins.
And yes I lost 3 kg , but as you can see is the least important.
DAY 6

This morning I had finally some free time, I slept more and contacted with a very good friend of mine who happens to be living far away. I haven’t seen her for more then 14 years…. we went to school together and a few years ago we found each other on Facebook.

We started talking about spirituality and realized that our lives went in complete parallelism. She told me that a Reiki practitioner told her about twin souls and what they are she admitted to the woman that she had been thinking about this since she was a child. She said that probably its me.
I had to Google what this is so I found in www.keen.com a community web a girl that describes it like this:
Twin Flames are literally the other half of your soul. You can only have one. At some point, in the cosmic scheme of things, your soul divided into 2 halves. We all come here, essentially, searching for that missing half of our soul, feeling a certain emptiness without it.  One half of that soul would be you, and the other half is your twin flame. In most incarnations, twin flames come in as one masculine and one feminine, so that if they find each other, they will be able to most easily draw together to become one again. However, do not be fooled into believing that you will always find your twin flame in the opposite sex, or even here on earth this lifetime. From one lifetime to the next, your twin flame and you could appear in many forms for many reasons.” by Valerie Renee
To read the entire article click here.
 
So spiritually I kinda understood and found my lost half.
 
Physically I made my salted water flush this morning which I was postponing for 3 days for lack of time and I eliminated a LOT of residue that my colon had long kept inside.
 
I haven’t weighted myself today and either yesterday and I will not that for the next 2 days. 
So I don’t know how much i lost until now.
Love
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Day 1 and 2

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This diet always brings calmness, stillness and loads of time to think.

This diet… or better lets call it a RESET DETOX for me it represents a lot of things in one. So i´ll divide it in percents and explain a little each part.

30% The RESET BUTTON: Is the result of the diet. Even in the first day you already feel it. A way of stoping, analyse your life and all life around you, explore the deepest and darkest corners of your inner being and build a sustainable pillar from where to start all over again. Around that pillar building an organised life adding a lot of compassion, love, self-love and new vision of how you want your future to look like.

20% WEIGHT LOSS: This is probably the main reason i start and everybody else starts doing it. I’ll not lie to myself probably it represents 80 to 100% at the beginning but once it starts there are so many benefits you find on your journey that losses meaning right from the beginning. Psychologists, psychiatric, doctors, family and friends the all say: You have to LOVE YOURSELF JUST THE WAY YOU ARE. When you look in the mirror and you don’t see yourself, when you know that it’s not who you really are, when that makes you feel sad and detached that that might not be the natural you, the you to love unconditionally.

20% HEALTH: Start to form in your head a different concept of what your life and your relationship with your body has to be like. Feels like the toxins wash away and you are left with the pure view of what to put in your mouth. Like your body is sending you telepathic messages letting you know it feels better now and what you should eat from now on. When you don’t eat the normal thing to be craving would be a comfort food, a big piece of meet, fatty, juicy carbs and sugars. But it’s amazing how even from the day one you crave apples, vegetables, stir fry, fish, seafood and all types of fruits. I can’t wait to prepare a raw food meal.

20% TIME APPRECIATION AND MANAGEMENT: Suddenly the extra 4 hours a day which you have are more appreciated and used more efficiently. I do more things, i get to do things i didn’t had time before, i self-organize better and i can’t wait to start new workout and new out-door activities.

10% ALL THE OTHER BENEFITS: I sleep better and longer and i actually rest at night, i wake up full of energy, i laugh more, my skin is smooth and silky and last but bot least my digestive system works wonderful. Even after the diet this benefits can last at least from 6 to 8 months more.

DAY 2

Started the day very nice. Before I opened my eyes I had a revelation about what will actually make me happy in life. I have been struggling to find this out for a long time now. I had a misconception about what I wanted because it was mixed with what I was suppose to do and the idea that 28 years is old.

I have been thinking about this before, about 4 years ago.
I want to study Physiology, 4 years MORE.
Then I want to make a study about human behavior, brain behavior on a large scale.
I cant talk about the brain without actually learning about it, testing it, with me, and with others.
And I can studie so much that i can understand it better, further on to be able to explain others how to … basically…. be happy.
Next i woke up and I made love to my man.
After which I meditate for 30-40 min.
Felt asleep for 30 min more and got up from bed at 12.30
I felt like I really took advantage of my free time.
I don’t feel hungry.
I feel like eating some good food, some tasty zucchini pasta. I actually had a dream of eating very tasty Chinese food, some vegetables soy sauce, sesame oil, coconut milk….yum.
I can even start thinking about a life in Asia, eating the awesome food, into meditation and just living.
Probably I still need to do some good deeds before probably still not the time.

LOVE

Master Cleanse Journal

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With this post I am staLemonsrting a small journal of my Master Cleanse. You will see that I will not solely talk about the diet but rather explain what happens inside of us physically, emotionally and spiritually. Great changes happen during a time that you STOP. Think of it as trying to reach stillness, you stop your hormonal system, your digestive system, you almost have to stop time by having so much of it since you don’t eat or cook.(calculate approximately how much time you spend shopping the food you eat, cooking it and eating eat during one day).

I will be reveling lots of personal data, lots of personal emotions, awakening moments and deep revelations. So bear with me. 🙂

I was postponing to weight myself… I thing about a month, I haven’t made any exercise in 3 months, and its terrible how much you can see it, and how much weight I got back in only 3 months.

So I weighted myself…I am 76 kg
last January I was 82kg
I lost with the master cleanse 10 kg in 15 days
72 kg
and then with exercise lost 2-4 more
69..68 kg
I am back to 76, i feel so disappointed, after all the effort, why did i give up on myself again. I think the master cleanse or any feast diet  isn’t about healing or losing weight, its definitely to self organize inside out.
My natural weight its around 59…60kg
I am 13-14 kg over weight.
I am sexy, when i dress nicely u cant even see how fat I am, we know how to hide it. But at the end of the day you go home and you take of the clothes that make you look nicer then you are, and then all you are left with is just you. In my opinion we shouldn’t love ourselves “just the way we are”…its not healthy, its not real, its not sustainable to do so. We have to cleanse, to heal, to cry, rediscover the wounds, apologize to someone, put boundaries with others, forgive yourself and organize your future.
We all have “ghosts under the bed”… we shouldn’t deny them, hide them, make excuses for them, we have to take them out, ask them why are they living under our bed. Once that is done we accept them, hug them and sleep with them in the same bed, because they are not going anywhere, they are part of who we are.
One of my multiple ghosts its called Organization….
I lack talent for that, so in order to deal with the lack, i have to make a bigger effort then other that have talent. I have to lean to make calendars, and schedules and alarms and appointments….FOREVER.
Its nothing bad, the universe is not chaos, everything its organized, so as your body, the planet and all natural beings…. as organized your life is as …. natural it is.
Love